So finally, after a long time, the need for writing kicks in again. I've been trying to abandon you, to run away, but it turns out I couldn't. My heart would not let me. But this time, I don't feel so contradicted anymore.
For a long time I believed that my past and my future would be entirely separated, that I don't know how to get out of the vicious circle I've entangled myself into, so I will have to let go of the dreams of the past and live a life of duty, not pleasure.
For that reason I have suffered a great deal, uselessly. The real problem lied within my heart, as it struggled to find the path towards my best future, hurt by my dorment black and white sides. I cried and I cried as I felt my life went crumbling into pieces and I could not find the answer I was desperately looking for.
Tonight, a revelation hit me, after seeing a flashback of my life these past few years. The past and the future don't have to be separated, nor entangled. They are merely two parts of your life, one gone and one not realised yet. What matters is the present and how you live in it. Choosing one path despite another does not mean you cannot make your dreams come true, nor it forces you on focusing solely on that path, but allowing yourself to cross paths with other callings as well.
A very wise saying goes like this - "When choosing your calling, consider your epitaph and not your resume". I should make this my life quote from now on - but still, there are so many questions left unanswered - wouldn't it be nice if someone placed you in front of a mirror and said to you - "this is who you are, this is what you are suitable for"?
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