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Friday, July 16, 2021


Alone, I  was waiting 

For no one to come. 

Round and round the days went by,

No soul in sight, 

Glacier, undisturbed. 

So I fled

Towards the ends of the mountains;

To cry, to grow , to evolve

To become 

one with the world.

Heavens were watching

My struggle

My pain;

Mountains were lovers,

In my glacier reign.

One day, 

Like a butterfly 

Flying into my sight,

You found me

Or maybe destiny found you.

Like a river seeping in,

Basking into light 

with glory,

Filming places you've been in,

Your life was a whole new story. 

Your story, my mind, 

A mix of genius and art:

Moments, sweet voices,

Sunsets, unexpected rain,

Melting a glacier heart. 

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Love letter

Waiting. On a train platform. A train ticket in one hand, a love letter in the other. Saying goodbye to a great love, as well as a warm and fuzzy fantasy. A fantasy of you, as I wanted you to be. 

Although I promised myself I won't fall in love again, you appeared and broke down all my walls. You, with your warm smile and calm demeanor.  You, with your gentleness and your sensibility. Or laughing with a sheepish smile and cracking a joke that led the conversation to unexpected terrain. I fell in love with you although I tried running away from it and tried suppressing any type of romantic feelings towards you. 

When you wanted it, I ran away. When I finally wanted it, you said no. You healed my heart, but broke it at the same time. True, getting attached to a tumultuous soul like mine could easily combust you. But I felt you had the power to withstand it. You were my sea, able to contain the fire within my heart. You, with your mental fortitude. You, who could handle well any crisis. You, with your little quirks. Like jumping out and helping people whenever they needed it, in spite of them being too proud to admit it. Because they were too "independent, no help needed". Well, it turned out I needed you. 

I may think I know all the truth in the world, but the real truth is different. You taught me that although we are strong enough to survive on our own, loves gives us a power we never knew we had. Having someone who loves you and whom you love realigns your world into a beautiful tomorrow. 

I saw a different part of the world with you. Pure happiness - outside, on a sunny day, walking on a mountain path, with you by my side, pretended to be too absorbed by the view but in fact too shy to say anything. Because there was "always a next time to talk". It turns out that opportunities have an expiration date. The universe will get sick of helping you, if you repeatedly turn down its help. My insecurity and my inflated ego was my death sentence.  

When I finally confessed and you said no, I tried cutting all ties with you to allow myself to heal and move on. And clearly, time away from you was what I needed. Meeting you again, I was surprised how well I fared. Nothing. Not even a heartbeat or a tingling in your presence. Or so I thought. Until I heard that song. A song that I associated so deeply with you that every memory of you came tumbling into my mind, threatening to flow down my cheekbones. Luckily, I closed my eyes before you could see anything. My heart physically hurt, for the first time in my life, at a mere song. I had ended up creating a connection with you that left deep marks within my soul and now I was experiencing the aftereffects. And it hurt like crazy.  Especially since you appeared to have replaced my companionship quite easily. 

And perhaps this was the greatest wake-up call - the fantasy came shattering down and the real truth slapped me right in the face - you never loved me, and you never would. That future together, hand in hand, on a mountain hill, was never going to happen. Nor would we get to teach our children the beauty of the mountain, because your plans do not involve me. Never did, never will. 

There is a theory that everyone falls in love three times throughout their lives. The first love teaches you the beauty of falling in love, while carrying the truth that not all relationships last forever; the second love is an intense love, that can turn your world upside down and reveal your inner insecurities, leaving you stranded on an island of  heartbreak; the third love is the unconditional love, the unexpected love, with the hint of forever. 

So, my love, I bid you farewell, through this love letter. I will no longer try to hold onto hope and mold you into my self-made fantasy. Thank you for teaching me what I want from love, and what I don't. It was a beautiful love which helped me grow and evolve. And I pray you stay happy and healthy. 

Goodbye, my second love, 

Saturday, September 26, 2020



When you have the fortune of being born in a nice family, you are given an extra chance to be happy. And a fine, functional family is hard to come by these days, as most of us have succumbed to the demon of personal happiness, at the expense of others, sometimes people really dear to us. We fall out of love, we leave the relationship or worse, the marriage or the family, without trying to work it out. 

The problem is that we enter relationships with the wrong state of mind - we look for someone to complete us, to fix us, to give us happiness, instead of looking for someone who can grow and develop alongside us and accompany us in our life's journey, no matter how intricate. Happy relationships with highly compatible people are a real treasure - and hard to come by. I don't honestly know if they exist, really. Whenever I find out about an engagement these days, I am really happy and a little bit envious, as I know how difficult is to grow love. And love needs to be cherished, or it will fly away like an escaped butterfly. 

But I will not bother you with deep, dark reflections on philosophical issues - we will talk about them when the time is right. For now, let's go back to the beginnings. My parents were both born in different villages, pretty far from one another. So the possibility of them meeting was scarce. My father, however, was and still is, the classical definition of a handsome man. Dark hair and deep eyebrows, blue eyes, beautiful plump lips and a fair skin, he was, for the majority of my childhood, my ideal man. The prince I would read up in the stories I so much liked was standing right next to me, daily (at some point, I even developed a short-lived envy on my mother for having such luck in love). 

 However, I have to admit that rather than luck, it was destiny of them meeting. And it was love at first sight for my father. My mother was a beauty as well - rich, long, dark hair, fair skin, beautiful, brown eyes and arched, rich eyebrows, turned her into a pretty desirable lady. Not to mention she was smart as well. A beautiful pair, causing the envy of  everyone around them. They met in May; 6 months later, in October, they were married. My mother's family opposed at first (she was 16 at the time), but gave in when they saw how in love they were and how determined my father was to make her happy. 

They moved to my father's family, but my mother, a young wife, had difficulties adapting to the new life, she was just a kid, after all, missing her parents. Add to that the fact that the communist regime grew also more difficult, so they had to flee back to my mother's mountain village, at her parents'  house, where the regime could not bare its fangs as deeply. 

Despite them trying their best, my mother had difficulties in getting pregnant, so I came into this world only two years later, after lots of tears and prayers. I heard it was the prayer at Saint Rita of Cascia that made the miracle happen. That, and the faith of my parents. 

The risks were also increased, as it was a twin pregnancy, and as it turns out, only I survived, the other baby being lost at 5 weeks. I was a little bit shocked when I first heard the story from my mother, but then I realized why I felt so alone in the first part of my life. I have created since then lots of "what ifs", but I will never know that reality of me playing with my twin brother or sister. But I would like to think that I am a fighter and I have been since the moment I came into this world. I have always valued independence and freedom more than anything, so I grew up quite a savage and a stubborn gal. 

The first two years of my life were spent with my mother's family. I don't know if I have a first memory that I recall. I have been told I was a pretty bad baby, as I used to cry day and night, bringing both my parents to exhaustion. I liked being touched a lot as a baby, in fact, I would only stay quiet if I was in my mother's arms. I also remember being put in a sleeping bag for babies, as I would often throw off my blanket off my body in my sleep; and it was uncomfortable and I hated that feeling, it suffocated me. I remember that my grandparents used to have pigs so kind, they would let me sit on them. So I would consider them horses and try to ride them, to no avail. I also had a dog, which I kept quite a distance of, but developed a sort of fondness for over the years. I cried when I found out it passed away later. The cats, I was no special friend with them at first. Only later in life did we find similarities and began to bond. 

Being in a mountain village was pretty lonely for a kid. I did not have any friends to play with, so I would spend the time inventing plays by myself, or stressing out my mother or my grand grandmother. 

I was a privileged child - for the first 8 years of my life I had the honor of knowing my grand grandmother, and she was smitten with me! I was her first grand grandchild and I was feisty and she loved it! She used to visit us as often as she could, even after we moved. I was pampered like a princess with lovely dresses she made herself for me, but also the ones she bought ready made. And she always used to bring us sweets whenever she visited! My favorite was a pink-yellow gingerbread rosary, which she used to buy whenever she visited churches on their Feast event day. Today, whenever I see this gingerbread on display at some events, I buy some in memory of my grand grand mother. May God rest her in peace and bless her for giving me such an amazing childhood! 

She spent time with me and played with me, she always told me how proud she is of me and to always be a fine woman! She hugged me often and gave me the love and attention I so much craved from a grandmother's figure.  She spoke my love language so well, I am happy I had the chance of meeting her! Meeting her was one of life's gifts to me; and spending part of my childhood in that mountain village, was another - I grew up to have pretty high standards regarding beautiful landscapes and quiet time around the house so, to this day, that place holds a special place in my heart - it's the place where the story of my life began to unfold. 



I don't know what prompted me to write this book. I wanted to, at some point, share the story of my life and I guess that now is perhaps that time. We live in a reality that has changed so much since I first opened my eyes into this world, that it would be a pity not to leave my memories of it behind. After all, all life stories are interesting and unique. Even more so the ones that allow you to take a peek into another's soul. 

So I want to let you in on my mind's secrets. To be scared or amazed of them, it is your choice, my dear reader. I would only try to be as honest as I can. After all, this is a trait that I admire dearly in any person I can connect with, be it friend or foe.

It's funny how life changes you in ways you would not expect. Years ago, I would have never imagined I would turn up the way I did. Love has taught me to be tolerant; life has taught my to loosen up my views on the world - perhaps I did it a little bit too much. So this is a story about life and love, my dear reader , but most of all, it is a story about another human soul that crossed, at some point in the history of time, this wonderful planet called Earth.

I always knew I wanted to write stories, ever since I could ever read. But I somehow never found the inspiration or the courage to do it. Since reading has become a scarce quality these days, writing does not give you quite the satisfaction it would have a hundred years ago, when you would have had honest hope to have your story read. Now, you have to compete with an unimaginable amount of other stories, audiobooks and videos far more interesting than the life of someone who has yet to accomplish something of importance. 

So if you decide to write, do it for yourself, rather than to be heard by others. Treat writing like therapy. Be you in it - authenticity is always sexy and charming, no matter what side of the story you are on - the writer, or the reader. 

Sunday, August 17, 2014

A little talk about love - thanks to "Where rainbows end" (or "Love, Rosie") by Cecelia Ahern

Okay, so it's 3:40 in the morning and I have to go to work tomorrow but I feel really crazed right now and I need to post my thoughts about this book I have just finished reading...I haven't picked up a chick lit in quite some time so I thought it would be boring, but once I've started reading it, it kept me going till the end...Of course, like all the books I've read so far, I've skipped the uninteresting parts and read only the main characters' love story - which, as a distinctive fact, came described in e-mails and letters. So I kept hoping and hoping that the characters will eventually end up with together...and when they didn't and kept making wrong choices, I felt such a surge of rage I HAD to write a review on this book here.

On the bright side, whoever has read this book, would definitely give a more serious thought to life and love - why let "the one" slip away, when you could confess and experience a lifetime of happiness together?

Although best friends since childhood, Rosie and Alex are acting like complete idiots when it comes to each other - they keep postponing and postponing the decision to actually be happy together, they keep marrying the wrong persons, they keep missing each other's love declarations until they're FIFTY! Imagine that horror! Imagine how it is like to watch the one you are in love with, knowingly or unknowingly, marrying another woman/man, having children, being unhappy in their marriage and still you PRACTICALLY rejecting the moments to getting together with the one you really feel comfortable and happy about!

I have always thought that the love resulted from a long and durable friendship is more beautiful than a love at first sight - my secret dream was to get married to my best male friend, if such man existed - but man, this story really pushed my buttons and made me angry a little more than usual with the main characters - if they FELT they were right for each other RIGHT FROM THE START, why WASTE AN ENTIRE LIFETIME WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE, AND TAKE 50 YEARS TO REALIZE IT - when they could have used that time to be together and experience a happiness they would have never even dreamt of?

Cecelia Ahern is a little bit of a sadist here, in my opinion - although my favorite author so far, she really knows how to push the reader's buttons in Where Rainbows End - you should definitely give it a read - you'll know what I am talking about!

1. Make use of every opportunity to tell your special someone how special he or she is - do not give up (even if it seems impossible for you to be together) until you've reached the conclusion that nothing more can be done for you two!
2. When picking a life partner, choose with your heart, not your head;
3. Do not drink excessively in any circumstance - you may be heavily regret for doing/not doing/ not remembering what you did afterwards!
4. If life gives you hints you may have found a special someone, don't be chicken about it and make up all sort of excuses for you not to be together - it may be too late for you two when you wake up!

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Noah 2014 - a movie who retells the Bible in a modern way (spoilers!)

       I have just finished watching Noah, a 2014 film written and directed by Darren Aronovsky (Ari Handel was the co-writer), two people with interesting insight... why do I say this? Because, after watching this movie, I was left with a pretty deep impression about their vision of that biblic episode - although it does not follow the Bible closely. The characters which used to be just some names in the Old Testament, suddenly became people with desires, with shortcomings, with insecurities, with problems.

           Of course that the must-have overdrama effect of any Hollywood movie is still there, and so are the CG effects...and the Watchers, whose purpose I could not understand at first (I thought I was watching another copy of the Transformers) - but in the end, they turned out to be okay (see below)!

         Needless to say, I was impressed by the performances of Russell Crowe and Emma Watson - one, a mountain of an actor, the other, a talent in bloom - man, they really knew how to pull this whole thing off~!

        I also enjoyed the script - at first, I kept finding faults in the differences the script presented as opposed to the Bible - for example, a Watcher, if it is considered a fallen angel, would have to be evil, not good - instead, they proved to be a real help for Noah while building the boat! So the writer, in the end, decided to offer them the ultimate reward - a chance at redemption, therefore the regaining of the lost paradise - who could ask for more?

       That who wrote that final Watcher scene was so witty - according to theology, all a fallen/evil angel must do to regain the lost paradise is ask for forgiveness and admit their mistake - however, they decide to persist in their mistake, as they consider that their judgements are final and cannot be changed - that is why Heaven is lost for them! If only there could be a chance for them too! The writer decided to give them that chance - I do not know if to call that naivete or hope - I am human, so I will decide to go on hoping - perhaps, if we all prayed for a little bit of help from God to make the fallen angels see their mistake, the world would look differently (as you can see, I am really naive!) 

       Plus, there are so many other subtle connections throughout the movie, to art and philosophy and other fields (the Creation of Man by Michelangelo, the belief that Man is the measure of all things or the healing serpent, to name a few), one should be thrilled while discovering them!

       I also cleared myself a few misunderstandings - how the animals were kept together for months without eating each other - they were put to sleep - how clever on the scriptwriter's part! - how Noah, a just man, just accepted to let so many humans die: he thought they were going to die, too, after getting off that Arc, and he was so deeply affected by his choice - proof of his drunken state after they got off the Arc - a slightly different interpretation from the Bible, who presented the facts in bright colors.

       And let's not forget the hidden secret of Matusalem's long life (Matusalem was Noah's grandfather, by the way) - he kept drinking tea made from seeds from the Tree of Life, passed onto generation from the Garden of Eden so he never got old - smart guy!

        The story of The Creation was also described beautifully - I bet the director and the CG editor had a blast imagining it!

        And let's not forget the last scene with the peace sign - now that is a river of rainbows all over the sky! Rainbow was God's promise to mankind that He will keep mankind alive till the end of Time so it was only fitting that it will end that way!

        In the end, Noah should be watched not necessarily for its close accounting of the Bible and religious insight, but rather for its cinematographic value and beautiful aesthetics and effects - and someone familiar with the biblic episode of the Great Flood will know how to discern between real biblical facts and the movie fictional facts - however, I believe it could be a pretty good incentive in reading the Bible and finding more about religion.        

      Still, if you wish to be trully feel connected to the Christian religion, better try watching movies like The Passion of Christ directed by Mel Gibson, The Mission directed by Roland Joffe, or my favorite, Francesco e Chiara, an italian movie about the life of Saint Francis - you will be impressed!

      For more differences between the movie and the Biblic episode of the Flood, you can read further here :

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Plant Whisperer

I am not a fan of plants. In fact, I usually dislike and neglect taking care of the flower pots in my apartment and I don't think they like me very much either. With me, they are continuously fasting - they don't drink for weeks and they are probably cursing me with the tip of their leaves. Or they learn to appreciate the Saharan drought I so often "bestow" upon them. If they were to be people reincarnated from other times, as a result of their past lives' deeds, they would sure get their punishment and more. 

However, I remember to "feed" them from once in a while. Usually when my father, a plant lover by name, bugs me to do it or when my dear sweet mother reminds me to "water the plants, for God's sake". In the last couple of days, I've come down handsome and decided to water them daily, to make up for my past misdeed.

And man, how they thanked me for it! I could not believe my eyes how vivid and greenish my apartment suddenly turned out to be and how happy the plants were! Seeing them happy, I became happy as well so I gave them a little kiss and did a little caressing too, to their poor little leaves. And guess what! I've heard squeals - at first I didn't believe my ears, I thought that the leaves were rubbing against each other but when I caressed one of these curious flowers again, it made the same sound! Like squealing in joy!!

I've heard about plants making noises and about tomatoes crying when eaten, but I dismissed them as tattletales. And now I was forced to experience something I could have never imagined. It was true, the squealing was true and it took me completely by surprise, so I began to realise why there are people who love and take care of plants with so much devotion. Maybe they've heard them "talking", too. 

 Maybe everyone of us has the chance to become a "plant whisperer" or an "animal whisperer" or even a "people whisperer", given the chance. All we have to do is put ourselves in new shoes and be open to new experiences. Did you perhaps have the same experience? If you did, share it in the comments section and let us readers know the different side of the story of the plant world! :)